Can't sleep

So it is 11:55, Derick is in bed, Sarina is sound asleep, and even my pups are in their beds. You would think I would want to catch up on ZZZ's of my own, but I don't think I can. I would probably just lay there tossing and turning, thus making it even harder to sleep. So I thought I would catch up on my blog. My friend Jess, tagged me in her blog to carry on a blog chain-letter like post, but I am THE WORST person to continue these. I don't think I have ever fully completed a "do this and send to X# of people". I don't know why, I guess it is the 'pass it on' part I don't love. I either don't know enough people who would do it or feel bad putting the pressure on others to continue it. So whether you have friendship bread mix, win the lottery chain letters, or fun blog posts, feel free to skip me. I wish I was better at these. Maybe I can make it a resolution or something. I hope people don't take offense to it.

People everywhere have told me, "Enjoy Sarina while she is young, she will be grown up before you know it." I wish they were wrong, but it is 100% accurate. I can't believe my angel is 11 weeks old today. I wish time would stand still because I only have 3.5 weeks left with her full time. I am starting to get anxious about this. Not because I can't be without her, I have already plenty of times, she has even had overnights with her grandparents. It is just that I am sad I will never have this much one-on-one time ever again. Well probably ever again. From now on, she will be at some sort of daycare and I will be at work. And my job doesn't really allow me to take the summers off, or even work part-time. And on some rare chance that I can be a stay-at-home mom down the road, I will likely (or hopefully) have another, and my time would be split between them. I really wish that this time with her could have been longer, but there is nothing I can do about it. It is the one downfall of having a good paying career, I went to school for 6+ years and at this time can't rationalize giving up my salary to avoid paying for daycare. It is just sad that I will never have this much time with her again. I think this anxiety might be contributing to my inability to sleep.

I guess I will end this on the 10 best/worst things about being a mom.

Best things:
1. I have never loved anyone like i love Sarina
2. She coos and giggles and I get overwhelmed with happiness
3. I have a sense of pride that I created her
4. I will ALWAYS be a mom from this point forward
5. Breastfeeding is the best bond I have experienced
6. When I hold her (while she isn't screaming) it is like anti-anxiety medication
7. She has made Derick and I get even closer
8. She is fun to dress up
9. She is fun to shop for- i never feel bad spending money on her. Guiltless shopping!
10. I have an excuse to listen to silly music in the car and sing really loud. I actually kinda like the kids songs.

Worst things:
1. My life will never be the same again.
2. She will always come before me.
3. Kristanica will be much less important (Kristanica= my birthday celebration, instead of 1 day of presents, I get 8 Craaaazy nights)
4. Christmas is all about her from now on.
5. I will never enjoy work as much anymore. I will have this slight resentment towards it because it keeps me from Sarina. And I will be innocently envious of all the wonderful moms that get to stay home.
6. My sleep schedule is not the same. I used to sleep like clockwork, once I was asleep, I stayed asleep. Not anymore, the slightest noise on the baby monitor wakes me up.
7. Going for the "quick errand" is not as quick anymore
8. My body will never be the same again. Not that it was "perfect" before, but now it is even worse, and I can't mentally accept it yet.
9. My house is FILLED with baby stuff. It looks more like a children's playground vs. adult house
10. I have to eat my meals fast now. Usually under 10 minutes from the preparing to finishing the last bite.

That being said, I would take every one of the 'bads' over and over for the chance to be a mom. And with that, I am going to go to bed.