Derick and I went out for Chinese tonight. I had two fortunes in my fortune cookie. The first one said, "It is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today", and the second, "Don't be hasty; prosperity will knock on your door soon." Not to sound cliche, but that pretty much fits right now.
Most of you that are reading this know that Derick and I have some trouble starting a family. In fact, we have experienced 3 Chemical Pregnancies since May. Basically, it is a pregnancy where the egg is fertilized, but never implants, and it results in a miscarriage. After deciding to take some time off, and get some testing done, we found out we were expecting again. Although we were cautious, all our our bloodwork, and ultrasounds came back normal and indicated that this might be the one. I went to the doctors on Monday, as I just had a feeling something was wrong, and knew the office would be closed for a few days for Christmas. I really thought I was just being a paranoid hyperchondriac. The ultrasound technician must have known something was up, because she had the nurse practitioner come in and witness the procedure. My worst fear came true. There was no heartbeat, and there was no growth from the last u/s at week 6 (I was supposed to be week 9). There is no known reason for what happened, and we aren't going to try and find a reason.
Derick and I are heartbroken. We really thought this was the one. It has been a hard week to get through. The physical pain is bad enough, but the emotional is far worse that I could have imagined. I guess the good news is that it did happen during Christmas, because we have been surrounded by our wonderful family. I think it will be hard when I have to go back to work on Monday. We'll see.
Why am I sharing this on a blog? Well, because it is somewhat therapeutic. And it is a lot easier for me to get my words out like this all at once, instead of having to tell the story multiple times. I think the another reason is that I was never aware at how common this is. I think it is an unspoken unfortunate event that happens to many people. Up to 40% of pregnancies result in a miscarriage. I don't think I would ever know what to say to someone before experiencing this myself. I have found the thing that helps the most to hear is just for someone to say they are sorry, and that they are thinking of us. There really isn't anything else to say. No one knows why it happens, or how or when it will be fixed. We just have to have hope that it will.
This will be the first and only post for 2008, as I want to not dwell on the bad, and start 2009 with a clean, healthy slate.
Derick and I are not in any rush to get to the future, but we are not going to forget our dream. Prosperity will knock on our door when the time is right. Thank you all for you loving support. It means a lot to us.
Here's to a Happy and Healthy New Year!