Thursday, April 15, 2010

Can't sleep

So it is 11:55, Derick is in bed, Sarina is sound asleep, and even my pups are in their beds. You would think I would want to catch up on ZZZ's of my own, but I don't think I can. I would probably just lay there tossing and turning, thus making it even harder to sleep. So I thought I would catch up on my blog. My friend Jess, tagged me in her blog to carry on a blog chain-letter like post, but I am THE WORST person to continue these. I don't think I have ever fully completed a "do this and send to X# of people". I don't know why, I guess it is the 'pass it on' part I don't love. I either don't know enough people who would do it or feel bad putting the pressure on others to continue it. So whether you have friendship bread mix, win the lottery chain letters, or fun blog posts, feel free to skip me. I wish I was better at these. Maybe I can make it a resolution or something. I hope people don't take offense to it.

People everywhere have told me, "Enjoy Sarina while she is young, she will be grown up before you know it." I wish they were wrong, but it is 100% accurate. I can't believe my angel is 11 weeks old today. I wish time would stand still because I only have 3.5 weeks left with her full time. I am starting to get anxious about this. Not because I can't be without her, I have already plenty of times, she has even had overnights with her grandparents. It is just that I am sad I will never have this much one-on-one time ever again. Well probably ever again. From now on, she will be at some sort of daycare and I will be at work. And my job doesn't really allow me to take the summers off, or even work part-time. And on some rare chance that I can be a stay-at-home mom down the road, I will likely (or hopefully) have another, and my time would be split between them. I really wish that this time with her could have been longer, but there is nothing I can do about it. It is the one downfall of having a good paying career, I went to school for 6+ years and at this time can't rationalize giving up my salary to avoid paying for daycare. It is just sad that I will never have this much time with her again. I think this anxiety might be contributing to my inability to sleep.

I guess I will end this on the 10 best/worst things about being a mom.

Best things:
1. I have never loved anyone like i love Sarina
2. She coos and giggles and I get overwhelmed with happiness
3. I have a sense of pride that I created her
4. I will ALWAYS be a mom from this point forward
5. Breastfeeding is the best bond I have experienced
6. When I hold her (while she isn't screaming) it is like anti-anxiety medication
7. She has made Derick and I get even closer
8. She is fun to dress up
9. She is fun to shop for- i never feel bad spending money on her. Guiltless shopping!
10. I have an excuse to listen to silly music in the car and sing really loud. I actually kinda like the kids songs.

Worst things:
1. My life will never be the same again.
2. She will always come before me.
3. Kristanica will be much less important (Kristanica= my birthday celebration, instead of 1 day of presents, I get 8 Craaaazy nights)
4. Christmas is all about her from now on.
5. I will never enjoy work as much anymore. I will have this slight resentment towards it because it keeps me from Sarina. And I will be innocently envious of all the wonderful moms that get to stay home.
6. My sleep schedule is not the same. I used to sleep like clockwork, once I was asleep, I stayed asleep. Not anymore, the slightest noise on the baby monitor wakes me up.
7. Going for the "quick errand" is not as quick anymore
8. My body will never be the same again. Not that it was "perfect" before, but now it is even worse, and I can't mentally accept it yet.
9. My house is FILLED with baby stuff. It looks more like a children's playground vs. adult house
10. I have to eat my meals fast now. Usually under 10 minutes from the preparing to finishing the last bite.

That being said, I would take every one of the 'bads' over and over for the chance to be a mom. And with that, I am going to go to bed.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Six weeks flies when you are having fun!

I cannot believe that my baby girl, Sarina Rose, is here AND is 6 weeks old today! Where does the time go? I feel so blessed, I had a wonderful pregnancy, and an equally wonderful delivery! Honest, I would go through that labor and delivery any day. Started the pitocin around 9am, and had it gradually increased every half hour. It took a while to even feel the contractions, and when they started, they weren't that bad. Around 1 pm, they started getting intense. Enough so that I had to stop what I was doing, close my eyes, and breath through it. On a scale of 1-10, they were about a 6.5. I think I could have kept going without any pain meds, but when I was checked, I was only 4cm dilated and I started vommitting a lot. Derick and I had a heart to heart with the nurse and she convinced me that things would go much smoother and faster if I had and epidural. Let me tell you, it was the best decision I have ever made! I was golden with it. Right after the meds were working, my mom came in (she made it from Florida just in time), gave me a kiss and wished me luck. An hour later I started pushing, and 30 minutes of pushing and Sarina was here!!! She was born on 1/22/10 at 3:44pm. She weighed 6 lbs, 8 ounces, was 19.34 inches long, and totally perfect.

She spent the first night in the NICU for observation because she was 4 weeks early and was having difficulty eating. The next morning she was fine, and spent the rest of the stay with Derick and I. Feeding has really been her only difficulty. We have spent 5 weeks with a lactation consultant teaching her how to latch on and feed properly. We went from spending 1.5 hours each feeding (times every 3 hours = 12 hours a day!) with a plastic nipple shield to just this week feeding without the shield and only taking 25 minutes! It has made being a mother MUCH more enjoyable.

Fast forward to today and she is changing every day. She weighs 7lbs 9 ounces! She can lift her head and turn to the other cheek when she is on her tummy. Today, she was able to entertain herself with her toys! She loves a certain toy that has 3 colorful bugs that you attach to a car or bouncy seat. When the bugs move, a pretty rattle sounds. She played with it for over 30 minutes this morning. She was even able to figure out how to reach up and move them to hear the sound! It is the most wonderful feeling to see your own baby learn something new. Derick and I are so in love with her. We shake our heads in disbelief everyday about how perfect she is.

My love for Derick has grown too. I didn't think it possible, but our relationship grew even stronger after the second she was born. He is the best dad, such a natural. He isn't phased by anything, not even a breast pump. (If seeing your wife pump breast milk while telling her she is beautiful, isn't love, I don't know what is) I get teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky we are to have her in our life, and to love each other as much as we do.

Of course, not every day is pink roses and butterflies. Yesterday for example, Sarina and I went to daily mass. Normally she is such a silent angel in church. We were a couple of minutes late (a personal pet peeve of mine) so I quietly find a pew in the back of the church, set her carseat down on the pew, and of course, it slipped a bit, and startled her awake. The next second, there was an ear-piercing scream coming from this angel's tiny mouth. I quickly try to get her out of the seat, which has a five-point harness system (similar to the one Nascar drivers wear I am sure). Whenever I try to do something quickly, it takes 3 times longer, which means her scream gets 3 times louder. So now everyone in the church is looking at me as I try to yank my child out of the seat and RUN to the back of the church. I thought I would die right then and there. It took a good 15 minutes to calm her down. I barely made it back to the pew for the "Our Father..." Tears of frustration were running down my cheek. It took a while for me to realize that this might be the first, but will not be the last time she publicly torments me. It was a patience practice-run for sure. She is worth it.

Enjoy the pictures of the past 6 weeks. If it takes a while for me to update this page, it is because I am enjoying my Daughter!









Friday, January 22, 2010

The Baby is coming! The Baby is coming!

Yesterday I went for my weekly checkup and things looked great. Had my test for the group B strep. It is a test they do around 36 weeks. Being positive means that there is a chance that the baby could get an infection, so they would start me on IV antibiotics when I started to deliver. Nothing else exciting at the visit, Dr. Bannister said it looked good and jokes that this was going to be a big baby! YIKES.

After dinner last night (I had made a taco dip...mmm) Derick, Winston and I were sitting on the couch and I got the sensation that I peed myself, I rushed upstairs so Derick wouldn't know and when I got to the bathroom, my pants were soaked! I went downstairs and told Derick. I could tell he was in shock. He just looked at me. We both dismissed it as being bad bladder control, but Derick suggested I back my bag just in case. As I was packing, the floodgates opened!! I am talking a ton water! I went through 3 pants just while packing. The OB on call, Dr. Weidner, said to come to the hospital and get checked out.

They checked us in, sure enough, my water had broke (not that I was doubting at this point). We decided not to do anything that night and just get some sleep. They did have to start me on the IV antibiotics, because the results of yesterday's test wasn't back yet. Getting the IV in was NOT fun. Took 4 tries and an anesthesiologist to get one in my hand! YUCK. Derick was very supportive because he knows how much I dislike IV.

We both slept well (with a little help from Ambien), woke up had some breakfast, took showers (Derick washed my hair like a pro). The doctor on today, Dr.Albushies (LOVE HER) and said that we would start on the pitocin to help the contractions along. So far we are going at a very low dose and will continue to increase. Going slow is good for two reasons:
1. It will give me a chance to start managing the pain gradually (still trying to go without the epi) and
2. My mom is in Florida to visit my grandparents. She just got there on Wednesday, and today had to turn around and come back. She should be here by 2pm, so here's hoping that she makes it.

Will try and keep you all updated! Love you!
video

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Nursery is almost done!

I think the nesting instincts are starting to come to me. I couldn't take the nursery being unfinished. There was stuff here and there, without a rhyme or reason, things were still in boxes, and there was a random mattress in the middle of the room. Derick and my mom graciously helped me. I think they were extra patient with me because they knew I was in "the zone" and wouldn't stop til I was satisfied.

Now the room is not 100% complete, I am waiting for the window valance to arrive in the mail, Derick is finishing the ceiling light, and we still need wall decor. But if the baby was born tomorrow, we would be ready (well, maybe not mentally, but the nursery would be ready).

In other baby news, we had an ultrasound on Wednesday. It showed that the baby has some water on the kidneys or "fetal pylecticis". It could be a sign that the urethra might have a slight blockage, and down the road, the baby would have difficulty going to the bathroom. The good news is that, this usually resolves on its own, and we wouldn't have normally even been aware of it. But now that we are aware of it, the pediatrician will probably do an ultrasound on the baby after birth just to be sure. It is nothing that we are worried about, just gave us another chance to see our baby.

This last u/s was probably our favorite because the baby was really moving and grooving! At first, they were covering their face with their hands, and then we could see them open their mouth, stick out their tongue and lick their fists! We were laughing hysterically, even the U/S tech got a kick out of it.

I will try to post those u/s pics in a couple of days. For your viewing pleasure, I have added a video of the nursery. It is courtesy of my Mother-In-Law, Karen, who graciously gave me a flip video camera. Look out, it is so easy to use, that there will be lots more videos to come!

video